“I didn’t even want to sing the pledge today because I was so ashamed of this country.”
“I woke up today and it feels like a bad dream. The last time we had an election, it was like ‘ok, we have a new president.’ That’s the way things are supposed to go. This time it just all feels so wrong.”
“I thought I loved everyone, but I just don’t know if I can love people who think that way. I’m trying to.”
My heart was breaking as I heard these words from my daughter yesterday.
In the year+ leading up the election, she asked me about Donald Trump a lot. While we did talk about the election and she knew I was a Hillary supporter, I didn’t go into all the specific horrible things Trump had said on the record. She did however see things online or hear them at school. After all, our kids do live in an information age. Sadly, I found out that she even knows the famous “grab ’em by the pussy” line, his judgement and name-calling of women based on their appearance, the Muslim ban, and more.
Before the election, I told her that I truly believed there was more love than hate in the world.
I told her we would be OK because there were enough good, accepting people to vote against racism, misogyny, and discrimination.
I was wrong.
Many people are upset, hurt, and angry over the election results. As adults, we have seen our share of ups and downs in the country. However, it’s a different story for the kids in America who can only remember a constantly progressing world where new celebrations of acceptance have been the norm. She’s seen marriage equality become law. Thanks to new movements bullying is finally starting to be treated more seriously and more than just “kids being kids.” She embraces LGBTQ acceptance. We have talked about the separation between entire religions and the fringe groups that cause terror in this world.
Although I haven’t gotten into it on this blog yet, our family has been intimately affected by sexual abuse as well. My daughter has been assured that it is never OK, that it’s not the victim’s fault, and that we work hard to see that justice is served for those actions.
And now the country just voted in a person who embodies the opposite of all that.
As a result, she’s getting shoved into a world that goes against everything I’ve ever taught her.
That’s a challenge to explain.
When I first posted those quotes on my personal social media, there was a bit of a backlash implying that I was teaching my daughter to be disrespectful of other people’s beliefs. So let me clarify…
She and I talk about love a lot. Not love in a one-on-one relationship with someone you know personally, but love for our fellow men/women. I always tell her–and mean it–that I love EVERYONE. No matter who it is on the street, in the car next to me, on another continent, or someone who is different from me ideologically in every way. I still care about that person as an individual and would help them if I had the opportunity. She had adopted this same philosophy over the years.
So when she says she’s having a hard time loving everyone, she doesn’t mean the individual friends and family members who voted against peace and love. She means the country..the world. Those who want to take away liberties from other citizens of this planet. Those who hate based on race, religion, or gender, or sexual orientation. She’s struggling with finding love for the part of our society that is in the dark and trying to pull our country backwards.
I was thankful that she brought up what she was thinking and worrying about yesterday, for each statement that she made led to a much longer conversation focused on love and hope.
I told her that we just have to come to accept it and hope that he does a better job than we think. I told her that this is how our democracy works–we don’t always win. It’s understandable to be sad today, but we can remain optimistic and we will get to vote again in 4 years and hope for a better outcome. I also showed her the numbers of the younger demographic–and how it fills me with hope knowing that the younger generation that will be stepping up the plate soon is a much more accepting version of America.
I hope I am right, and I hope she doesn’t lose her faith in the good in the world.
I am just glad that my 4 adult children can see Trump for the scumbag that he is.
I wish my whole family was on the same page! However I have parents and a sibling who think a Trump presidency is a gift from God (literally).
At least my brother and I and our families and children are creating a legacy of love and tolerance. I think it’s the best we can do with the situation–control what we can and work towards and better tomorrow.
I saw your comment in NYT and came to see how American parents and their children are feeling about this. I’m Finnish myself and have been shocked about Trump’s rhetoric. As a parent I can totally see your dilemma.
I’m a big fan of Hillary Clinton and wished for her presidency. It would have been so much better for everyone, in every way. Internationally she’s very well known for her work as a Secretary of State and she is trusted as a firm hand on the bow.
Donald Trump says he’s gonna put Hillary Clinton in jail. Shocking.( But ok, so is everything else he says) Let me tell you one thing: in Finland Donald Trump would go, if not in jail ( we have fairly lenient laws on incarceration) but at least he would be prosecuted and convicted for incitement to hatred against an ethnic groupand would receive a punishment. Oh, yes. Saying the kind of things he said about ethnic minorities, he most deinitively would have been prosecuted. We have this incitement to hatred towards an ethnic group law and several people, some of them even MPs, have already been convicted. E. g. the stuff Trump said about Mexicans ( all rapists) or Muslims ( they should not be allowed in) certainly would have breached law. And what he said about women…I know sexual harassment is a crime In United States. I know not all women are feminists, like myself, but how come no one is making him accountable for his actions? Even a non-feminist should feel angered by what Trump has done and for which there is so much evidence.
I’m sorry, my intention is not to make you feel worse. It’s to point out that there are ways to counter him. I have much experience with Americans and in some respect they are fantastic people, altruistic and idealistic at their best, resourceful hard workers, adept fundraisers, well versed in social graces and emotional intelligence. I have every faith that the American people will defeat one Donald Trump.
And one more thing: Fix that proportional election law! You cannot afford another minority-elected president. Clinton won the election. She won the popular vote. She is the one who should govern. This is as clear to me as the light of day. Donald Trump talked of rigged election…Well: This is a rigged election. In democracy the majority governs.
I’m leaving my blog address in case you want to chat – about anything- although some of it is in finnish and about finnish issues, there are international themes, too, in english.
Courage!
Thanks, Ino.
I agree completely and am disheartened and frustrated with the whole situation. But looking forward and working on a plan to get past this on a personal and group level. Plan on writing some more on that today.
It’s such a big issue that it’s taking some time to process in little chunks. We all got hit head on by surprise on Tuesday. It’s good to know that people in other countries see that not all American’s think this way and there a lot of us are just as outraged and scared as the rest of the world.
I’ll def check out your blog, too 🙂
Thank you for your wonderful post, which I found via NYT. I am dealing with how to frame this election for our 4YO who asked me “is Donald Trump was going to take mommy away from our family because she has black hair?”
Even though I can trace my lineage to a town in Germany that bears my grandfather’s surname, I am not “white enough” to escape racism, as my father is asian. I am personally terrified of this election outcome, as I was pulled over Arizona’s ID law in 2006 and asked for a passport in addition to my driver’s license. Since the encounter was far longer than a routine traffic stop, I was thinking that ending up in a detention center was a very real possibility.
In our home we have been teaching love, compassion, and kindness, even when others don’t show it or are too afraid to show it. My daughter is totally on board, in the absolute exuberance of being 4. It is much harder for me because nearly all of neighbors voted for Trump and I feel betrayed by people I entrusted my daughter with. She never be alone in those houses again. Is it possible to balance true compassion with self-defense?
I am struggling with that dilemma myself. I knew that Trump getting elected exposed a level of racism that I didn’t think still existed. Granted, I knew racism was a problem–but it’s bigger than I could have ever imagined. The stories that I have seen have made me truly fearful that this is going to expand and eventually lead to war, one way or another. I have never owned a gun, but I actually talk to my husband about it this week. Like, should we get a couple, learn how to use them, and lock them up—-just in case???? I hate that I am even considering it.