Not writing because I can’t bring myself to write what I need to write

Checking in since the blog has been quiet for a couple of weeks.

To be honest, I am bursting at the seams with things to write, but keep running into the same wall over and over again when I think about pouring it all out.

I’m not writing because the things that my mind is spinning with are all things that I just don’t feel comfortable posting in the public realm for one reason or another. Mostly due to pissing off people I care about, but also due to a struggle with being forthcoming about issues I deal with.

The line of too personal is not clear for me and I have to figure it out.

I did purchased a writing table which is pretty great. It allows me to write offline without distractions. But even that doesn’t solve the issue because I really WANT to be able to be completely transparent, and therefore I delay hoping to get past this hurdle.

Honestly, I know this post isn’t very interesting or enlightening. I just needed to get it out.

 

They’re right–“god” is responsible for a Trump presidency

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of posts on social media like this that have really made me scratch my head:

I mean, I know that I am a secular person so not really the go-to person for all things Jesus, but it is so blindingly clear that Donald  Trump and all that he stands for is the exact OPPOSITE of what is traditionally considered to be biblical virtue, so why should he be hailed as the “godly” savior of America?

Let’s just look at the facts:

  • You won’t find any of these principles in Donald Trump’s track record.

    He is on marriage #3 with 4 kids from 3 different women and has had extra marital affairs at least twice (likely much more).

  • He is on record a multitude of times laughing about how much he disrespects women and how easy it is to sexually abuse them because he is a celebrity.
  • His actions are the exact opposite of those touted in the “Golden Rule”–he bullies, name calls, and threatens just about everyone.
  • There are several instances of him mocking people with disabilities.
  • He is on the record being dishonest on endless occasions (and this is not an opinion–the facts are there).
  • His ideas promote war, violence, and torture.
  • His demeanor is the epitome of vanity and arrogance.
  • He was disrespectful towards several American war veterans.
  • He has a long record are not paying hard-working small businesses for work done for his many businesses.
  • I think it’s clear to say that modesty and humility are not ideas that have ever been practiced in his lifetime of luxury.

(if you need some more specific instances and sources, I found this really swell list that has already done the work for me.)

This disconnect is really irking a lot of people. It just doesn’t make sense, does it? Why would someone who is so obviously morally corrupt be embraced as a deity’s solution to “save” the United States?

But once I really got to thinking about it, I actually started to agree.

Religion really is the reason why we are now dealing with the current situation in the U.S. and around the world.

Let me explain…

(Note: For the sake of this discussion, I’ll be using Christianity as a reference point, although the same ideas can be applied to any religion)

You see, back when the first religions were created during the most primitive of human societies, there were a lot of questions and very few answers. Back then, coming up with stories about how and why we are here offered some peace of mind and helped to build communities built on common beliefs.

Today, we live in an ever more information-filled society. The body of evidence that supports a far-reaching, ancient universe in which our planet is just a tiny speck covered in life that has evolved over a period of billions of years without any divine intervention is overwhelming.

At the same time, religious beliefs (that are completely contradicted by the physical evidence surrounding us) are so hardwired into our culture that there is an immense pressure to follow whatever form of worship is passed down from generation to generation. And to be able to fully adopt those practices, you have to believe wholeheartedly that the theological stories you were told are, indeed true.

The conflict stems from this cognitive dissonance. People are being raised with two entirely contradictory sets of facts–one that appeals to logic and the natural desire to understand our universe and another that appeals to emotion and obligation.

When presented with this predicament, there are three options:

A. Let go of religious beliefs that are not supported by physical evidence (i.e. atheism or agnosticism)

B. Alter your understanding of religion to be a more flexible and abstract so it can be molded to fit with what we now know about the universe (as well as to allow for more tolerance of different lifestyles, races, cultures, etc)

or C. Embrace an increasingly larger amount of willful ignorance to ignore the science and still believe in religious doctrine–this is what makes up the majority of the current “right” side of the political spectrum. That’s what we’ll focus on from here on out.

It’s a defense mechanism, you see. It’s not really that the people who have come to adopt these ideas are bad people. It’s that long ago they decided that their religious views were more important to them than facts. Protecting those beliefs from a constant bombardment of facts to the contrary is a two-step process:

  1. Shrink their world view smaller and smaller–just large enough to encompass their own first person perspective and the religion-approved sources of information (just one book and the pulpit). This was easier before the information age. Most communities were pretty sectioned off and you rarely were exposed to varying points of view. This was also before the huge leap in scientific discoveries that have allowed us to better understand ourselves and the universe.
  2. Vilify anything that contradicts those two sources of information.

We, as a society, used to value and celebrate education, innovation, ideas, and breakthroughs. But in recent decades the influx of new information combined with the ease of sharing and acquiring new ideas and discoveries has caused the dynamics to shift.

The cause? The traditional religious community is in panic mode. They aren’t used to being confronted and challenged. For centuries, nay millennia, past, if one was to contradict the doctrine he or she would be instantly punished one way or another. It was much easier to keep the skeptical populace in check.

But the tides are changing. The proliferation of internet access allows people to form virtual communities of people with similar ideas. Where before someone might be too afraid to speak up about their doubts, they can now find a social outlet to explore their ideas and gain the confidence to proudly live their secular views. For the first time ever, about 25% of the U.S. population states that they are not religiously affiliated.

Churches that take a liberal approach have adapted and are able to hold on longer in this new reality. The churches that are holding fast to the old-school doctrine, however, are quickly losing their power in this world. And people who still hold onto those beliefs are finding themselves having to defend their positions ever more aggressively. The result being that in order to maintain one’s religious beliefs, the worldview must become smaller and smaller.

So how does the Trump phenomenon come into all of this? It’s a three-pronged effect.

Firstly, the more closed off one’s circle of perspective is, the harder is becomes to empathize with those outside your own class, race, sex, etc. This leads to “conservative” beliefs that only benefit a small portion of the population (AKA white nationalism). As a result, we have a group of people who hold a very strong system of beliefs that the facts just plain do not support.

Next up, any groups of people that appear to be “the problem” become the feared enemy: liberal-minded people, LGTBQ community and supporters, immigrants, African Americans, low-income America, and, hell, even the most highly education and intelligent people. For the extreme right, the very best and brightest potential leaders we have the the enemy! It’s come to where they are actually limiting public access to a secular education, discouraging the seeking of knowledge, and ostracizing people who navigate life through rational thought and logical deduction.

The third crucial piece to the puzzle is this: when you remove facts from the equation, it leaves a gap.

Enter Donald J. Trump! Here he was, a rich and powerful man who was spewing the same racist, misogynistic, xenophobic ideas from days long past. Ideas from a time where religion DID have a 100% hold on America. And he came on the scene as a man with a plan. He threw ethos and logos to the side and bombarded the Conservative Far Right with PATHOS, PATHOS, PATHOS–filling the gap by latching on to those unsubstantiated beliefs and stroking their need to feel good about ideas that previously were shameful (and rightfully so, as they are an affront to common sense and decency towards our fellow humans).

And it worked like a charm. Society had gotten to such a point that the only way to hold onto religious ideals was to create such an aversion to facts that truth didn’t matter anymore. Having a lack of sources of information that didn’t conflict with their antiquated belief system, Trump’s white nationalist platform spoke right to them was just eaten up. Instead of feeling their place in society waning, they suddenly found an opportunity to push a resurgence of bigotry and willful ignorance.

Now aside from the bible, they will only believe the words of a single man. No amount of statistical, audio, video, theoretical, or historical facts and evidence matter.

To the cult of Trump, whatever Donald tweets is biblical truth.

Just like no amount of pointing out injustices and contradictions in the bible will ever get through, no truth about Mr. Trump and his unethical behavior will affect their support of him. The bible is the word of god because it says so in the bible, and Donald Trump is the very best person to “make America great” because Donald Trump says so. There’s no logic to it.

And now that their new savior has taken office in the U.S., it gives them even more confidence in their world view. Even worse? Under this new system, the harder you deny facts and embrace your irrational belief system, the “better” the person you are. It’s a scary and dangerous system.

Now enter “Alternative Facts” on the scene–the newest phrase being spouted by the Trump administration.

“Ah, yes!,” the Christian right shout, “This is exactly the word we were looking for. Look….FACTS! I am vindicated!”

You see, the #1 argument religious people hear is that they are not thinking rationally and making evidence-based decisions. Now Camp Trump has given them “facts” that aren’t really facts, but falsehoods.

And oh the signs! Things like “God split the clouds and the sun shone down in a miracle at the inauguration!” and “The day after Trump took office the weather was really nice, it’s like God was saying ‘thank you.'” It really is a convenient system. Take what you see and interpret it however you see fit.

Convenient, but also dangerous. We now have large portions of the population who belief anything they read that supports what they feel to be true or right, regardless of the information available. There is a president in power who can do whatever he wants and his supporters will never believe that he can do any wrong.

It’s beyond frightening.

Plus it doesn’t stop at just the presidency. There are widespread consequences of this movement with regard to climate change, civil rights, public health, and more–even democracy itself.

So where do we go from here? More on that another day…

For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts on a plan for how we as a society can overcome this dark period in America’s history.

Comment below and share your ideas.

Daring Greatly (even when telling my kid to pick up her room for the 1,476,282th time)

I was reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown last week when I came to this “Engaged Feedback Checklist.”

(scroll to the bottom on this post)

The section it was in was actually about giving feedback in a professional environment, but as I read it I instantly thought about how I approach my daughter when we are having an issue or a struggle.

(Now, later in the book, she actually has a section on Daring Greatly as a parent, but I didn’t know that when I reaching this checklist)

It really hit home. This list is the recipe for success when talking to our kids. The times that I have had the most meaningful and productive conversations have been when I did these exact things. I may not have had the checklist before, but slowing down and reacting mindfully gets this result.

I wish I could say that I always do it the right way.

Overall, I would say I am a damn good parent. I am proud to say that I have been tested in the biggest of ways and passed.

BUT…the one thing I struggle with is reacting quickly and speaking in a way I later regret. I’ll either get frustrated with an endless mess and yell about it using negative language “you ALWAYS leave your stuff out,” or “you’re so messy!” I am absolutely guilty of using language that can potentially shape her self-image in a shameful way.

I do correct myself afterwards when it happens, and it’s not every day, so at least I have that going for me. The positive words FAR outweigh the negative, but to me that’s not good enough. I’m going to print this sign out and post it out in the open.

I’m also going to show it to Ally. I think she can learn from it as well and can use this approach when she takes issue with one of our decisions or behaviors.

We can learn and do better together. We are a wholehearted family. We will dare greatly and live lives of constant personal growth.

3am Wake-Up Call

It’s just after 3am on a Friday morning and I’ve been up for hours.

My mind and my body were yelling a wake-up call at me, and I had to answer.

My head won’t let me sleep because my thoughts are racing since I haven’t given myself an outlet to write about them. I’m still doing the Bullet Journal thing, which is GREAT for the day-to-day to-do’s and calendar planning, as well as tracking ideas as they come up. But, I have been horrible with routine planning and journaling.

My body won’t let me sleep because my schedule has been all over the place, my skin is itching like crazy because I haven’t taken my daily allergy pill or figured out the trigger, and I’m uncomfortable and puffy from eating junk and not drinking enough water.

I could have pushed through the unease and gone back to bed, albeit fitfully. But I can’t do that anymore. 

So I’m getting up, showering to relieve my skin, taking my medicine, writing this, and getting back on track with things.

Time to go back to living mindfully.

 

2017: The Year We Get Our Shit Together

My lifestyle overhaul really began a few months ago, but the start of a new year is a good time to set new goals and get motivated!

So, I’ve decided to add a new category to the blog to track all the specific goals I’m working on in a specific year. That way I can write posts and keep track here and have them in a place that makes sense. I think it’ll be fun to look back at these over the years, too.

As an extension of what I’ve already been working on, my motto for this year is “2017 – The Year We Get Our Shit Together.” By this I mean continuing to keep my mind clear, focused, and moving forward in life. No more living life passively and always playing catch-up. It’s time to live in the moment with purpose.

(the “we” part refers to the hubby and I since he’s in on some of these individually and as a team)

2017 Bucket List:

  • Go on a solo weekend away
  • Hike Starved Rock
  • Read 25+ books
  • Write 104+ blog posts (2 per week)
  • Lose 52+ pounds (1 per week)
  • Walk/run a 5K
  • Whole House Overhaul – “A Place for Everything, and Everything in it’s Place”
  • Eliminate at least 33% of my credit card debt
  • Research 1 famous historical figure per month
  • Dedicate 1 month to each of the 10 scrolls from “The Greatest Salesman in the World”
  • Meditate 500X (1-2x per day)

There are also some more abstract goals, but they aren’t as easy to check off as “done.” 

Still, they are:

  • Do more good.
  • Be persistent.
  • Live mindfully.

There you have it–it’s going be a great year.

Week 6 Recap – It’s all connected

It’s Thursday and I haven’t written a post yet for this week. Going to be a long, busy holiday weekend so really wanted to get in here to keep up with my updates and also my personal goal of at least one post a week.

I weighed in after Christmas weekend to find myself up 2 pounds. It sucks, but it is what it is. I don’t have any good excuses, just didn’t stick to the plan with tracking and counting calories. Kind of threw caution to the wind and indulged in holiday morning breakfast, peppermint pie, etc.

My biggest lesson learned is just how much daily routine affects my success. On a normal week I go Monday through Friday with no issues. Then tend to slip on weekends, holidays, or when there are out-of-the-ordinary things happening. These past two weeks have been pretty tough in that regard.

But at least it is serving the purpose of me getting to know my strengths and weaknesses so I can work on improving myself for the future. I’ve had a full week of epiphanies about myself which I have captured so I can work on them later.

For now, I have to cut things short because I have family coming over soon for a late Christmas celebration with some of my family.

Watch out next week for some updated goals for the new year 🙂