Confidently Introverted – Well-Rounded Ryan

Undoing what was done in shame

A while back I restarted my journey to get healthy. (It’s going awesome, by the way!)

When I did, I came on here and looked back at all of my old weight-related blog posts and felt a ashamed and embarrassed. I left like if I leave up my failed attempts, it’s going to make people this that this time is going to be a failure, too. So, I made them all private.

Part of my personal growth is to be cognizant of these things and, when recognized, correct them. That’s what this short post is all about.

Today, right after I publish this, I’m going to set them all to “public” again. I want to own all of myself and my story. My life is one of many ups and downs, but always with an overreaching upwards arc. And I’m proud of that.

Yeah. So I posted this on FB today and then realized I should probably add this here, too.

I’ve really been wanting to write something on my blog about why family and politics is so damn confusing, but the more I think about it, the most frustrating it gets. It can be so hard trying to identify why you think the way you think and why others think in their fashion.

Plus, it would require airing some loud truths. Not that I mind personally, but I know it wouldn’t be well-received. I also think that people can be very blind to the reality of their words, actions, and impacts, and I’m not sure how to bring up those issues in a meaningful way.

Shit. I would probably need to do a whole series to cover all this crap.

I don’t even know why I am writing this here….just working through some things and testing the waters, I suppose. I haven’t been doing well on “expressing my voice and my story” thing these past several months because life has been offering lots of crappy things in quick succession lately that have been great distractions.

Sure, I post political and ideological news often, but it’s hard to be so open about the very personal stories and thoughts that related to them.

But wanting to get back to it, because it felt good and felt right.
So, I guess this is a start.

It’s OK to not be happy all the time

I feel like I’ve been in a trap of not wanting to write about the things that aren’t positive because I want to have this image of being positive and progressive.

I also feel like I write a lot about why I don’t write enough.

It seems like an awful lot of excuses.

Today I was on Twitter and writing a #depressingdailythought.

I worried right after I wrote about it about what the possible implications could be of writing something sad or negative. How will that affect things when I want to grow my life mission into helping people? Won’t I look like a fraud if I do not always portray an image of happy-go-lucky bubbliness?

Later I was able to add in a #positivedailythought. Not because I HAD to, but because I WANTED to.

Truth is, that’s life. Things ebb and flow and we just make the most of it. I am OK with that. I can be a happy person without always being happy. I can be progressive without always having a smile on my face.

Everyday for about 6 months now I have cared less and less about what other people think and have shared more about myself and my truth.

THAT is progress to me.

SIDE NOTE:

I went to look for an image about progress and small successes to go with this post. Damn near everyone is about weight loss/exercise/diet.

Shit- don’t people care about the mental well-being and happiness not tied up in your jean size?

Well, I do!

Learning to take pride in what I do

Here’s the thing- I am not ashamed of myself. I actually quite like myself. My problem is with getting over the shyness and anxiety about making my whole self public.

This blog is a first step in getting used to it. It’s time for me to put things down, share it with the world, and just own it without fear. You know, no boundaries.

You see, while this is an outlet for my personal growth experiences, there are so many other big, big things I want to do in my life. But, in order to really step into that role I need to learn to be comfortable with putting myself out there.

I’ll always be a happy introvert–that will never change. I am just a person who recharges through quiet time and loves solitude. However, I am also a person who loves people and always wants to help and do more. I’m someone who is confident that I have a lot I can teach the world.

I need to find the balance between embracing my true self personally and truly taking ownership of who “me” is.

Every post I write is a bit of challenge for me. Not the writing part, or the ideas (heck, I have a list of post ideas a mile long!). It’s hitting that “publish” button when I am done. Knowing that my words are out there for others to read and judge.

Deep down, I don’t care what people think because I am happy with who I am. I accept the good and the bad and am always striving to improve the things that need work. Oddly, it’s not that there is some big secret about me that I am worried people with find out. Not at all.

Rather, I just get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I show the real me. It’s funny, because the part that I hide is the part I am most proud of! The part of me that wants to speak to the world, make a difference in people’s lives–that’s what is dying to get out! Yet I struggle every step to just let go.

Right now, I am only publishing here and posting to Twitter. Want to know why? Because there aren’t that many people on Twitter who I talk to in real life.

I hate even writing this because I know it is so contradicting. But, it is the reality. I want to get to the point where everyone know exactly where my true passions lie and be able to just shout it from the rooftops!

I’ll get there soon. Just taking this step gets me closer.