I was reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown last week when I came to this “Engaged Feedback Checklist.”
(scroll to the bottom on this post)
The section it was in was actually about giving feedback in a professional environment, but as I read it I instantly thought about how I approach my daughter when we are having an issue or a struggle.
(Now, later in the book, she actually has a section on Daring Greatly as a parent, but I didn’t know that when I reaching this checklist)
It really hit home. This list is the recipe for success when talking to our kids. The times that I have had the most meaningful and productive conversations have been when I did these exact things. I may not have had the checklist before, but slowing down and reacting mindfully gets this result.
I wish I could say that I always do it the right way.
Overall, I would say I am a damn good parent. I am proud to say that I have been tested in the biggest of ways and passed.
BUT…the one thing I struggle with is reacting quickly and speaking in a way I later regret. I’ll either get frustrated with an endless mess and yell about it using negative language “you ALWAYS leave your stuff out,” or “you’re so messy!” I am absolutely guilty of using language that can potentially shape her self-image in a shameful way.
I do correct myself afterwards when it happens, and it’s not every day, so at least I have that going for me. The positive words FAR outweigh the negative, but to me that’s not good enough. I’m going to print this sign out and post it out in the open.
I’m also going to show it to Ally. I think she can learn from it as well and can use this approach when she takes issue with one of our decisions or behaviors.
We can learn and do better together. We are a wholehearted family. We will dare greatly and live lives of constant personal growth.
